Mana From Heaven

My mother and my grandmother could both make the best homemade biscuits. It was typical at many points when I was growing up that once a day my mother would make homemade biscuits, usually for supper. She could whip out a pan of biscuits in no time! It was amazing to see.

I had my mother give me her 'recipe' for how she made the biscuits when we moved to Boston for my postdoc. Of course, her 'recipe' was not specific (i.e., pour in some milk) so my biscuits have never turned out as well as hers did. In fact, I've only tried making them a few times and they've never been very edible in my opinion.

I guess it had been a few years since I had last tried to make biscuits. It is too easy to buy the frozen Pillsbury kind, that are tasty though they don't compare to those my mother and grandmother made. One day last week I bought some Bisquick mix at the store. I know, it in no way compares to what my mother and grandmother used to make. However, the biscuits I made with it were much better than the old Bisquick biscuits I remember making years ago. Bo and Callen seemed to like them too.

I wish I had spent more time with my mother, learning how she made certain things. Although I have a few of her recipes, most she only had in her head and now it is too late. Maybe one day I'll find the right balance of ingredients from my mother's 'recipe' and have homemade biscuits that are half as good as hers.

10 years of Missing You

Wednesday marked 10 years that my mother has been dead. I can't believe it has been that long. What a remarkable woman she was! She took care of my father and grandmother for many years, when they were bedridden from strokes. She always managed to remain positive, even when she was diagnosed with cancer.

I so wish that she was here to see Callen grow into the phenomenal young woman that she is. There is so much that she could have taught me about having a headstrong daughter : ).

There are a 1000 things that I wish I had asked her before she died. I hope others who read this will ask those questions of their loved ones before they die. And, record them on video and audio so that your children will get a sense of who they are, more than they can just get from pictures.

Here's to my mother - a woman who gave me the world and will always inspire me!

Cherishing the Moments

Today is a sad and a joyous day for me. It is sad as my own mother passed away a little over 9 years ago and I still miss her so! I so wish she could be here to see Callen and to experience the joy that she brings directly.

Having Callen makes this a joyous day for me. I would never have imagined that having a child could make your heart feel so full. I want to try to cherish every moment that we have together. Sometimes it isn't easy to do as life is so busy, things may be stressful, and we let the little things get in the way. However, I strive to cherish all the moments as we never know how many moments we have with each other.

Here's the cherishing the moments...

Please Come to Boston ...

It has been 9 years since Bo and I moved from Boston. We lived in Arlington (a suburb just outside Boston) for 1.5 years while I did my post doc. I've always liked this Dave Loggins song; thought I'd put a YouTube link to it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PX5t9VJweQ.

I go to Boston this week for a conference. While I'm looking forward to going to the conference, seeing old friends, and being back in Boston, I'm finding that it is stirring up a lot of memories in me. You see, it was 10 years ago in late July when my mother was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Bo and I were just getting ready to move to Baltimore; in fact, he was already there having started a new job a few weeks before we were to officially move there.

I still remember the call that evening from one of my aunts; I knew something must have been wrong because she never called me. We always heard about what was going on with each other through my mother, and we visited when I was home in NC. She called and said my mother was in the hospital and they thought she had cancer. I remember feeling like a vice was gripping my heart when she said those words.

My mother and I were very close; before we moved to Boston we talked on the phone about every day and I'd often see she and my father several times a week. My mother took care of my father who had been bedridden from a series of strokes.

I flew home the next day and went straight to the hospital. I remember thinking that this couldn't be happening. My father, who was in such poor health, should be the one in the hospital. Not my mother, the woman who had spent her life caring for other people... The next months went by in a blur with us trying to help take care of my parents from afar, coordinating efforts by others, and trying to spend as much time with my parents as is possible when 2 people have just started new jobs. How I wish I'd taken some sort of leave that year, but with a new job in academia I was oblivious as to that even being an option.

After so bravely battling cancer, my dear mother passed away less than 8 months later. While I know that at the time taking the post doc was a good thing for me to do, and it was a good experience for Bo and I to live in Boston during that time, I can't help thinking that I spent the last 2 years of my mother's life living 13 hours away and only getting to see her a few times per year. It still makes me sad to this day thinking about it.

I encourage you all to enjoy the moments you have with your loved ones; you never know when you won't have those opportunities . . .