2 Month Gap?

I didn't realize it had been almost 2 months since I did a blog posting.Wow, the time flies by so fast it seems. A few things that have occurred during the past 2 months:

• I had a large NIH grant proposal due the end of May that CONSUMED a huge portion of my time preparing it. I was pushing really, really hard the whole month of May on it. In fact, I was working so hard that I wasn't resting enough, nor taking good care of myself. I ended up with 2 bouts of strep throat in May! Thankfully the grant made the submission date, thanks to great help from wonderful grad students and others invovled in the project.
• For my NSF ICAC project, we were out surveying students everyday for over a week. It was gruelling but worth the effort.
• We went to Atlantic Beach for a week in May. Our dear friends from Maryland the McElroys joined us for part of it. Di and I had a day at the spa, which was glorious, and some girl time to hang out and talk! Callen loved playing with their dog Star. My friend Marieke and her family joined me and Callen for the last couple of days there, after Bo had flown home. Callen had a blast learning to ride the waves with Sabina. She was fearless! Although I had to work on various things while we were there, it was still nice to get away and feel the ocean!
• June started out hectic too. I had a large annual report due for my NSF ICAC project towards the end of the month. All the survey data had to be entered, cleaned, and analyzed so we could include part of it in the annual report. The annual report takes so much time! It was finally submitted the Friday before I flew to DC for a grant panel at NSF.
• The grant panel at NSF was another thing that made June even more frenetic. Remind me to never agree to be on a panel that occurs around the same time I have a grant annual report due!
• Callen continues to enjoy the last few weeks at her preschool. She's excited about starting kindergarten in the fall and at times wishes it would start sooner (but recognizes she will miss her preschool friends next year as they will go to various other schools).
• Callen started taking gymnastics in June at a local gymnastics academy. She enjoys it a lot but it is hard work.
• One of the most discouraging things that happened in June is that Jefferson County laid off over 500 people, including Bo. The county commissioners are not effective leaders and have no vision at all. The one in charge of his dept. eliminated 2/3 of the employees; you don't need a deputy director when you have so few employees remaining. Bo has been making calls and applying for various things, but there are not a lot of openings in his areas at this time. And, I'm sure none will pay even close to what he was making.
• The last item has led us to really start thinking about ways to not spend money. We hope that Bo will find another position soon.

This was a few of the main things that have happened in our lives the past 2 months. Hopefully it won't be so long before another posting.
Happy 4th of July!

Goals for 2011 - revisited

I posted these on Facebook on January 3rd. Thought I'd post them here too, now a month later.

Rather than resolutions for 2011, I'd like to think there are goals that I'd like to achieve. They include (in no particular order):

• live a more balanced life
• take a picture of my daughter each week
• laugh more often
• listen to good music on a daily basis
• don't let the political BS at a certain institution of higher education get to me
• move more on a daily basis
• spend more time with friends and family
• begin writing a book
• write more consistently on a daily basis
• check email less often
• enjoy the feel of the sun on my face more regularly
• spend more time near oceans
• update my blog more frequently
• cherish the friends and family in my life

I'm not sure how many of these have been worked on on a regular basis. I haven't met the goal of updating the blog more often. Hard to believe it has been two months almost since my last post. I guess it is more about the process of trying to be proactive in striving for the goals than in actually accomplishing them. Small steps eventually add up to large distances.

What are your 2011 resolutions, goals, etc? And, what is your progress thus far?

Silence is Golden

A colleague of mine told me yesterday that she had just returned from a Silent Retreat. I had never heard of a retreat such as this. As she was telling me about it though, it sounded more and more like a wonderful experience! She spent 5 days at a nearby monastery, where she could only talk with a spiritual leader for one hour per day. The other time she spent sleeping, reading, thinking, and whatever else she wanted to do that did not involve talking to others. While she had her cell phone for emergencies, she did not call others and she did not have a computer or Internet access. She said it took her about a day and a half to start to unwind. Initially she wanted to check email, etc. but after a day or so she began to feel her sense of inner peace returning. What a neat experience!

I'm one of those people that does NOT get my energy from other people. I have numerous friends that would go insane if they couldn't talk to others most of the time. I find it exhausting to be constantly around others all the time. That is one reason I so relish the few days that I can actually work at home anymore and those rare times when I can get away on a mini writing trip - I don't have to talk to anyone during those sweet, quiet hours! My mind can rest and I end up being more productive and creative than during other times.

With the work loads that many of us carry and the constant cacophony of technological devices and people surrounding us, it is hard to have time to just 'be' anymore. Some people might not understand this. But, it so resonates with me. I used to take yoga; it helped me to center myself and live more in the moment. I've been thinking recently that I need to do it again. I think it may help with just 'being', rather than constantly being in motion (whether physical or mental).

I'm so glad my colleague told me about this retreat. It is something that I may try for myself sometime. Here's to quiet, peace, and time for oneself!

Crisis of the Self?

I've started wondering if I'm having a crisis of the self or the soul, or whatever term you prefer. I wonder if all this is worth it. In many ways, I'm on top of my game at work. I have over 4 million in external grants which is unheard of in my dept. and in many sociology departments for that matter, have 10 graduate research assistants and 5 undergrad research assistant working with me this year on the different projects, and I like my department and colleagues. And, most of this research has the potential to really positively impact people's lives. This is all great!

So, why do I think I'm having this crisis? I wish I had definitive answers. I think part of it is that with all this greatness in terms of work comes a lot of stress. I'm juggling multiple large scale projects that involve multiple people. I feel like I'm running a small corporation at times. And, the newest of the grants, which has such huge potential to positively impact a school system, is the biggest stressor of all. I sometimes wonder if I should just tell the funding agency to take the money back. I don't know that the school system appreciates any of the hard work that we are doing. In fact, I had an out of the blue email from a key administrative person in the school system last week, basically questioning what we were doing. I just don't get it. I know they are under lots of pressures too but they have been involved in this process from the beginning when we started writing the grant proposal.

Graduate school nor my post doc ever prepared me for dealing with the administrative BS that you have to deal with in research, whether it is organizations you're working with or your own university administration.

I don't know what the answer is in terms of resolving this crisis that makes my mind churn at night when trying to sleep and most other time too. If others have advice, please feel free to share. Thanks.

Hmmm....

It seems like a long time since I've posted. It hasn't been all that long but it has been longer than I would have liked. A friend asked me a week and a half ago if I had just let my blog lapse. Ouch. It wasn't my intention but it seems I rarely have time for it anymore. I hope to make more time.

A few quick updates:
- I was in New Orleans last week and weekend for a sociology conference. My students and I had 3 presentations plus 3 panels we'd organized. It was a busy time but good in that I got to spend some time with friends I haven't seen in a while.
- The weekend before I was in NC for a mini grad school reunion. It was a lot of fun! I got to see some family and friends, which was really nice. All my grad school friends were just the same as ever! Nice to know that some people never change. Thanks to Jo Anne for hosting a wonderful reunion.
- My XO project team starts back resurveying approximately 1800 4th and 5th graders the end of this week. We have about 6 weeks to survey in 27 different schools! Wish us luck and if any of you would like to volunteer to help us survey, please email me offline!
- I'm trying to hire a Program Coordinator II position for my new NIA grant. Lots of time being spent reviewing applications!
- Some colleagues at work do an NCAA tournament pool. It is random. I got Wake Forest and UNC as 2 of my random picks. First time I've had to pull for UNC : ).
- I go in for outpatient surgery on Monday to have an ovarian cyst removed. While the doctor thinks it is probably nothing serious, I'd rather get it out than have it stay in when it might be something serious. Wish me luck on Monday!
- Callen is great and growing so fast! I can't believe she's almost 3.5 now.
- I still have all those pix on the camera and more that I noted a while back. Maybe someday I'll get them uploaded and post some of them!

Here's to more posts in coming days and weeks!

Funerals and Cherishing Life

I just returned from the funeral of my 23 year old great niece at 1 AM this morning. It was a quick trip but I'm glad I had the chance to go to the funeral, be there for the family, and support my brother during all of this.

I didn't know Laura all that well. She was born with severe autism and had pretty bad seizures throughout her life. Even with all that going against her, she graduated from high school. She lived at Tammy Lynn Center (http://www.tammylynncenter.org/), an organization that offers educational, residential, and family support services for children with special needs. So many of the staff members came to her funeral and one woman talked about Laura's life. Her eulogy was so much better than that given by the preacher, as you could tell that she'd spent many years caring for Laura.

I can't imagine the pain my niece must be in right now, and has been in this week since Laura died. To have to bury your child must be the worst thing a parent can endure.

All I wanted to do was get home to my child after the funeral! I didn't think the 9+ hour drive would ever end last night. I was so glad when I got home to find that, once again, Callen was in our bed asleep. Bo said she just wouldn't go to bed in her bed last night, so he brought her into our bed. Maybe Callen knew that her mommy was going to need to have her close last night when I got home. Even as tired as I was at 1 AM, I laid in bed for over an hour just watching my sweet baby sleeping. I didn't want to take my eyes off her.

As my niece said to me before we left yesterday, go home and cherish your baby as you never know how long you'll have with her. I hope we can all cherish all the moments we have with our children, our families, and our friends. . .

Turning Points

Does it ever seem like some things in life are just harder than they should be, whether they're jobs, relationships, groups we belong to, interactions that we have, etc.? I wonder why they have to be this way, and should this indicate to us that something needs to change in our lives when it feels like things are harder than they should be. As someone who studies stress and its impacts on society, I know that individuals who are stressed at times report that things seem harder. But, should there be a point when we determine 'hey, this is too hard too often and maybe it shouldn't be this way'. Wouldn't it be helpful if we could say: if you've had something in your life feel like it is harder than it should be 12 out of the past 15 days, then it is time to 'cut bait'/move on/make changes/etc.? Unfortunately life is never this easy and there are no magic formulas to tell us when we need to make a turning point in our lives. Just some musings on a busy Sunday afternoon . . .